Chloroformed By The Saboteur Within

Deal With Meddling Mother In Law - Chloroformed By The Saboteur Within

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I remember as a child being intrigued by espionage and spy movies. Invariably, at some point, they would have a scene where the bad guy would open a bottle of clear liquid and add a few drops to cotton wool. He would then sneak up on the good guy and grab him from behind whilst surface his mouth with the cotton wool. One whiff and the good guy would be unconscious. The chloroform moment!

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Deal With Meddling Mother In Law

I used to yell out at the screen "Watch out for the chloroform!" but of policy nobody heard me because it was only a movie. After all, it's not as if that sort of thing would happen to you in real life, or could it?

Let me introduce you to my client Anne who was self sabotaging in a strange, yet coarse way.

Anne was a 52 year old, sharply dressed, no nonsense lady, who had been sent to me via her firm to work with "assertiveness issues". She had been on many courses over the years to address this issue of "self sabotage" as well as some coaching and counseling. When she spoke she had a very clear authoritative tone that suggested to me that she wasn't one for suffering fools and admittedly not person you would immediately reconsider to have a problem with assertiveness.

We did the usual chit-chat and dance nearby for about twenty minutes, or, as we say in the trade, rapport construction with my client. Anne had been in a connection for eighteen years and had no children, she never felt motivated to a bigger goal, she told me that she seemed to drift along in life as the mood took her and all in all had no regrets, "nothing in my closet waiting to jump out and bite me" she said with a rye look on her face. "So, what's this assertiveness stuff about then?" I asked in a sort of puzzled, I know nothing, sort of way.

"I like to run a happy ship but every now and again Bett, my office manager, who is older than me and was in post before I took this job, speaks and behaves in a way that is upsetting to myself and other staff members. Instead of dealing with it in the moment, I procrastinate over how to write back and generally, in the end, do nothing in the hope that it will blow over which invariably it does.... But not for long! I'm aware this situation can't continue but I'm struggling with how to deal with it and my boss thinks that coaching will help me". She done her statement with a "been here before and you can't help me tone".

"Tell me about your connection with your mother" I asked, using a Columbo like style of enquiry. "My mum and I get on great, she is more like a friend than a mum, very outgoing and full of energy, I admittedly admire my mum" she replied with a genuine smile.

"I'm sure that you've discussed this problem with her" I asked. "Many times" she nodded "and what does your mum think of you when you do this?" I added "that's just it!" she said "My mum is the most assertive woman I know and she gets angry and frustrated with me for letting myself down each time I let Bess, or anyone else for that matter, get away with being a bully" she said disappointedly.

That game me all the clues I needed to make me presume dan,dan, daaaaaaaan!!! (chilling, cliff hanger, music) "Chloroform" I can imagine the audience now wondering how Poirot, Columbo, Holmes and Hudson had enough to go on.

These are the clues that led me to my conclusion that part of Ann was asleep, drugged by chloroform

1) Anne has assertiveness issues.

2) Bett is older than Anne

3) Anne was not aware of her vision.

4) Anne has a great connection with her mum

5) Her mum gets angry when Anne shrinks and does not vocalize herself

My next demand was built upon the clues above, I asked "Can you tell me about your Grandma?" "how the heck did you get to my Grandmother" Anne laughed "Well", I said, "It's just that I've a feeling at some point, way back when, minuscule you was in a position to see your mum chloroformed."

"I don't understand" she said I went on to account for my thoughts a little. I suspected that at some point in Anne's childhood she had seen her mum rendered speechless and helpless, not quite admittedly but admittedly not behaving in her normal, assertive manner.

At this point, an eyes wide open, intrigued, woman went on to tell me of a scenario she could vividly remember when she was about three or four years old. Grandmother and Grandad came to stay with Anne and her parents for about six months. Grandmother (she was admittedly not Grandma), was an aggressive, angry old tyrant who wanted all her way, or else. She bullied every person that would allow her and used every trick in the book to get her own way.

I suggested that whilst having her grandparents stay with the family minuscule Anne would have the ideal occasion to learn about how to handle an old goat effectively. Because, her mum has no assertiveness issues, this would be a phenomenal learning opportunity. However, this wasn't the case because Anne's dad was chloroformed by his father to 'keep the peace' and Anne's Dad had subsequently chloroformed her mum not to rock the boat. All this happened whilst minuscule Anne looked on with fear and dread as her two strong parents shrank into unconscious, feeble individuals that dared not speak out, in Grandmothers kingdom.

It was in this duration of Anne's development that she would learn how not to be assertive and what made this chapter all the more efficient was that she was taught by the same people who had always looked after her, spent time encouraging her in any way they could and showed her so many phenomenal things. Therefore, this new behavior that she observed must be true too, this must be how you deal with bullies.

Anne's mum was angry about how grandmother behaved and yet chloroformed so as to "keep the peace" and not upset her. Against her will she conformed to the long-standing family rule that had been created 'anything for a quiet life'.

Soon the details of the lengthy visit would be seemingly forgotten. But, Anne's unconscious mind would be in charge of ensuring the information was safely and securely stored. This would then be handled so plainly and facilely when ever Anne came across a similar context, she had her very own Saboteur Within who would be tasked with incorporating this as part of Anne's broad strategy for getting straight through life.

Many years later, Anne's mum admittedly can't remember why she feels angry and frustrated when Anne shrinks; Anne can't remember why she feels she must shrink when faced with difficult, confrontational individuals behaving like bullies.

Making The Saboteur Within Your Ally

At this point, I asked Anne to imagine that childhood scene differently, I asked her to tell all of the adults to act like adults, to account for to them what would happen to minuscule Anne if the chloroform was used and how they would leave her unprotected and easy prey for any bully she might encounter in her future.

I asked what was happening in her scenario now "Mum, Dad and Grandad have stepped up to face Grandmother for my sake and theirs" she croaked.

Somewhere deep inside of Anne, I could approximately hear a large penny drop as she stared off into space. She said "I feel..." raising her hands to her chest, breathing with difficulty as a raft of emotions came crashing through, salt water streaming down her face "...elated"

Sitting across from me, she smiled a knowing smile "I've held onto that forever without even knowing" reflecting her knowing back I said "And now you know that you have let it go, how are you feeling now?" "Free" she beamed back at me

As Anne slept that night an accident meeting was called inside her unconscious mind. The Saboteur Within would be re-deployed to update files, re-touch pictures and perhaps even redecorate the whole of her inner world, so that her new ally could retain her facilely in arresting forwards straight through life.

Anne had a corollary up session where she reported that Bett had changed her attitude and all was well. She hadn't admittedly had the occasion to test her new range of choices, when faced with having to be assertive. Her firm were happy and best of all, Anne had in fact transformed so much that she was blissfully unaware of the difference.

Remember: if you want the world to turn then it starts with you and your Saboteur Within

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