The importance Of Seeking Your Parents' Blessings Before Marriage

Interfering Mother In Law - The importance Of Seeking Your Parents' Blessings Before Marriage

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The Quran emphasizes the duty to parents in such serious terms that it is mentioned immediately after worshipping Allah. Allah says, "Your Lord has decreed that you should worship no one except Him, that you should be kind and convenient toward your parents. If one of them or both of them reach an old age, then do not shun them and do not say "uff" to them. Speak to them with a noble speech. Lower the wing of humbleness out of compassion for them. Say: Our Lord! Have mercy upon them the way they showed mercy to me when I was small. (s. Israa v. 23-24)" These ayaat illustrate to us that Allah wants us to rejoinder the role of parents in our lives, even when they are old, i.e. Even after we have reached maturity and knowledge and are now in a position to advise them. We must still treat them kindly; it is not becoming of us to shun them, jerk them around, or look down upon them. This is a substantial ordeal for many habitancy in the world today, because today individuals feel as if they are independent and perceive themselves to be above and beyond the idea of owing anything to anything other than themselves. We must be exceedingly frugal and take rigorous steps to save ourselves from falling into this ignoble category, and be sure to tread the waters of life in such a manner that saves us from "drowning" into its dark depths.

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Interfering Mother In Law

To begin with, nikkah, or marriage, is the individual prerogative between the two habitancy who want to get married and live their lives together, without any covering coercion. The compatibility issue is thus between the husband and wife, and not between the two sets of in-laws. As such, the nikkah between the husband and wife will technically be valid even if the parents disagree to it. However, though the nikkah is still valid, will it be blessed? This is the bigger question.

A man once asked the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wasallam, "Who should I be kind to?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man then asked, "Then who?" The Prophet replied a second time, "Your mother." The man then asked a third time, and was given the same answer. Upon the fourth time, the Prophet said, "Your father." This hadith refers to the showing of compassion and moral support to one's mum at all times. Words cannot begin to relate the dedication of a mum to her child- conception, labor, delivery, the suckling of milk, the child's weaning and upbringing-the mum has as a matter of fact gone through tough experiences. Allah mentions these realities some times in the Quran to ensure that we do not forget what our mothers have gone through and experienced for our wellbeing.

The Prophet also said, "The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of the father, and the displeasure of Allah is in the displeasure of the father." From this hadith we see that the father also plays a huge role in the Islamic psyche of a Muslim. A Muslim who goes about life thinking that it is not compulsory to please his father is sorely misguided. Pleasing your father is pleasing Allah. It is necessary therefore, for us to always show compassion and concern to our mother, and to make sure our father is always pleased with us (within the boundaries of Shariah). Given the noble stature parents hold over their children, it is illogical for anything to assume that the seeking of one's parents' blessings at the time of marriage is unnecessary.

Though marriage between two partners without the explicit blessings of the parents is technically still valid, the bride and groom are seriously doing themselves a great disservice. Parents play a necessary psychological and spiritual role in the lives of their children, and for the respective bride and groom to avoid seeking the blessings of their parents will follow in the combine depriving themselves of a huge gift, which will only lead to time to come repercussions in their lives and in the lives of their children; the initial pleasure between the newly-wed combine may as a matter of fact be very well short-lived.

With that being said, many parents nowadays have issues with the decisions their children make in selecting a spouse. Sadly, many of these "reasons" are fundamentally unfounded, such as, "his nose is crooked, or her eyes are not large enough, that he is not from this clan or family, or that she can't cook this, or that he can't do that, and etc, etc, etc." It is incumbent for everybody to understand that the primary imagine one should get married is to avoid sin. As such, if a combine are in love, they must say so openly to their parents so that the parents perceive and understand that if their boy or girl does not get married they (the parents) will be guilty of facilitating sin for their child, i.e. Fornification. In this respect, the Prophet said to parents, "For two habitancy who are in love, I have never seen anything like nikkah." Meaning, that if one's child is in love, the parents must rejoinder that this is now beyond any logical and rational explanation; the parents must ask themselves "If we stop this nikkah, is there a opening our child will commit zina (adultery), the sin of which will rest on our heads?" If the parents do not agree with the marriage, they must know how to say so and provide alternatives. It works both ways, the children must seek the blessings of their parents, and the parents must be reasonable and willing to give their children their blessings (without holding their sons and daughters emotionally hostage to any "blackmailing tactics").

The direct influence of seeking the parents' blessing is substantial and spans well over naturally just our own lives. We need to look out for the welfare of our progeny. If our parents have denied us their blessings, then they have essentially deprived our children grandparents. Similarly, if our parents do not bless our marriage, there is a possibility that our siblings also will not bless our marriage on inventory of "you having displeased our mum and father;" and now our children will also be denied aunts, uncles, and cousins. It is a proven truth that immediate house members play a huge part of a person's psyche and development. Do not assume you or your house can expect to construct in a vacuum isolated from immediate house members. Your children need their cousins, aunts, and uncles to come over for Eid, for Ramadan, for iftar, and for all the other "good stuff" in life, and for them to say to each other, "Assalamu alaikum" and "How are you?" Putting your house and children in such an awkward situation where they are isolated from close familial interactions is tantamount to zulm, or injustice.

After the commencement of the nikkah, the mum and father do not have any right to interfere in the relationship between the husband and wife-interfering in spousal relationships is as a matter of fact one of the gravest of major sins. At the same time, both husband and wife must understand that they need their parents' support and blessings in their lives. Thus, it is wise for Muslim couples to make sure that their parents are on board with their marriage, and that the parents share in the nikkah ceremony, and that both families get along. This has always been part of Muslim civilization. This is the way of the Sunnah.

Facts and shariah law in this narrative have been reviewed by Shaykh Amin Kholwadia of Darul Qasim for adherence to Islamic tradition and law. Additionally, neither Shaykh Amin Kholwadia nor Darul Qasim has any financial or managerial stake in misterNmisses.com or its affiliates.

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